The Story Of A Suicide!

“In everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.”

                         ~Haruki Murakami,

 

Life is a constant struggle. No one down the ages has ever said that it would be easy. One has to pass through several trials and tribulations in the journey of life on a regular basis and overcome the hurdles to survive in this world.Humans seem to be hardwired to adapt to their circumstances and find ways to challenge any threat they face and come out victorious most often.

 

Each human has this inherent desire for living n surviving even in the hardest of circumstances and conditions.Generally, this human spirit of strength prevails and the person remains afloat in the whirlpool of life in spite of hundreds of setbacks and failures, in hope for better times ahead.

 

But sometimes, there  comes a point when all hope shatters, and one feels completely helpless and defeated in the race of life. There seems to be no solution to the problems they are facing, there is no way in sight to escape from where they are stuck.They start considering themselves as total failures. At this point, they think that only way to end their suffering  and pain is to end their lives. The thought of suicide grips them and entangles them completely.

 

To kill is not easy! and to kill one’s own self, even more so!

 

So why are they strong enough to kill themselves but not strong enough to live?

 

Is it that they have not failed, BUT, the society, the world  has failed them?

 

Such drastic steps come to mind when there is no hope left, person becomes totally hopeless. Humans need hope to live their lives and face the difficulties and hardships, in anticipation of a brighter and better tomorrow. Hope takes away the pain of today and washes away the frustration of the past regrets. Without hope, it becomes difficult to face the stark realities of life.

 

Recently i read the novel ‘THE STORY OF A SUICIDE ‘on this important issue by Sriram Ayer. In this, the stories of Hari, Charu, Sam and Mani have been narrated in a gripping style. The lives of these four youngsters are connected through a web of love, passion, revenge and deceit. The story line is powerful and the struggles of the young people have been very well verbalized through the story. The book can be read here http://www.storyofasuicide.com

It is a very good attempt to reach out to youngsters and make them understand their emotions and reactions better. After each chapter of the book, there is a information and guidance section with  how to overcome, do’s and don’t on various relevant topics like depression, heartbreak, loss, failure, harassment, sexual abuse, loneliness, complicated relationships, hurt,sadness and the proper course of action in such circumstances is suggested in a very comprehensive format. This feature is really commendable and makes the novel a self help guide. http://www.storyofasuicide.com/how-do-i-all.html
The book successfully highlights the important topics of societal prejudices and stereotyping, judgmental attitude about sexual orientation of an individual, sexual abuse stigma, harassment and lack of support system for those who are in distress.
Different chapters of the book bring forth  the struggles and hurdles the characters come across in their lives and how the society adds to making live hell for them. How Hari is judged for being a gay, Charu for being an independent minded strong girl,Mani for his poverty and lack of English know how and how Sam reacts irrationally to un-reciprocated love and  Is not society meant to have a cushioning and supporting effect for its individuals in times of need? The societal expectations and conformist attitude plays a havoc in their lives and almost  drives them insane. Once their emotions start the downward spiral towards regret,sadness, guilt or fear, their mental frame work seems to be out of control.
The human behavior and its shortcomings are nicely depicted. The book is truly a mirror to present day society and its parameters of judgement. We regularly come across similar cases in mainstream media. But raising such issues is just not enough, long term feasible solutions need to be discussed and found for such issues. This book is a strong step in such  a direction.
Some lines worth highlighting which had a deep impact on me are mentioned below
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Teach By Example To Reduce Gender Prejudices In Gen Next !

For eons, women have been told to live their lives and behave in a certain way. There is immense societal pressure on them. Times have definitely evolved, lot of progress has been made in diverse fields which have brought about tremendous changes in the way we live and function but the mindsets in regards to gender equality have not changed at such faster rate. Inequality still exists in most cultures and communities around the world at some or the other level in all spheres of life -education, religion, domestic front and many more. Women are considered below par in some aspects even after the progress they have made in all fields.

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while ~Josh Billings

In highly patriarchal Indian society, girls are often discriminated against on the pretext of following tradition and culture. Preference is given to son’s education and daughter is made to learn domestic chores. According to statistics available through a survey by NGO  Akshara, 41% girls drop out of school by 8th class. Even if she  gets educated and starts working to earn for the family, she is expected to be proficient in domestic chores and shoulder the complete household responsibilities alone without expecting any help from other family members.

Society at large has certain fixed stereotypes about the role and behavior of women, which are highly prejudiced. These are regressive and haven’t undergone any modification since ages. The need of the hour is to modify these believes to the core so as to change the mindset of a much larger section of society at a deeper level.

These changes need to start from our homes as a’ home ‘is the basic structural unit of any society. If we want our Gen Next to believe and practice gender equality we have to start educating them about it in their formative years. The work has to be started from now itself.Then only can we hope to see positive changes towards reduced gender prejudices in our future citizens.

Children LEARN What They See and What They LIVE !

We need to change our perspectives on raising kids by adopting and following progressive and relevant views.

So what is the right approach to teach our gen next about gender inequality ?

I feel we have to develop and practice a multi-pronged approach for our hopes to come to fruition in this aspect. First of all, children should be helped to understand about the wrong notions of’ division of labor ‘in our homes and society. They should be made to realise that this is not acceptable and just in an educated and cultured society. They should know that this is wrong and not normal.

Then, there should be a constant effort to encourage equality at all levels in home as well as outside the home- in school, parks etc. Children follow what they observe ; so we have to start sharing the work load of domestic chores in our households equally to set a good example in front of them. We should shake off our limiting and outdated beliefs and behavior.

The World Is Changed By Our Example Not By Your Opinion !

Children should be given small home tasks like dusting, making sandwiches or lemonade, putting laundry in washing machines without any differentiation based on their gender.

Daughters should be empowered from early childhood itself so that they develop the confidence to challenge inequality in the world around them.

We should strive to rear our sons in such a way that they understand and follow the correct approach to become the role models of gender equality we hope to see in our future generations.

It is very important to teach the young children about the inherent prejudices and gender injustices in our society, so that they start their adult lives with the right perspectives on gender equality.

Our behavior should be such that it inspires our  gen next and also those around us to happily emulate our example. We need to develop a strong sense of conviction in our thoughts and believes so that no amount of back talking, ridicule or the fear of being laughed at, is able to sway us from our chosen path.

By taking this path breaking initiative of share the load, blogaada and ariel have shown us the way, it is our duty to follow this path sincerely to bring about true and progressive changes in our society.

 

I am taking part in the #ShareTheLoad Challenge with Ariel and Aksharaat BlogAdda.

Share The Work Load !

” Our horizons are shaped by what we know others have actually done”

BUT

“Time for change, Time to restart, Time to conquer, That time is now.”

 

Most men have the mindset that house chores are not their job and should be done by the women of the house.

Laundry, cooking and making the bed are all jobs either left undone or to the women in the house and the typical man only learns to use the washing machine after the age of 24, found a survey of more than 2000 men over the age of 30.

 

Society assumes that it is women’s responsibility to spend many more hours than their counterparts doing unpaid house work. The gender imbalance is sill alive and thriving in spite of so much progress and advancements all around. Women still shoulder most of the burden of household tasks. There isn’t much willingness from men to contribute.

 

With changing times, when women are sharing equal responsibilities in all spheres of life, to expect them to be solely responsible for and shoulder the household chores is very unfair.

Now, is the right time to take a stand against this gender inequality and bring about a paradigm shift in Indian households. It is very important to break the stereotypes and prejudices prevalent in the society regarding gender roles.

 

Before trying to change the society, one should try to change one’s own self; so i decided to take up this challenge of sharing the load of house chores by participating in #LaundryGoesOddEven activity along with Blogadda and Ariel Matic. It is always better to practice what  you preach.

 

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The weight of house work is real and heavy. You need to divide the house responsibilities equally with your partner. I decided to help my wife in doing the chores at home as she also leads a hectic life.

Ariel Matic with the new OddEven calendar came in handy to divide the chores equally between us as we decided to share the laundry job on alternate days. For the first time in the history of the world, the Ariel Matic pack comes with an odd even calendar, this makes the division of laundry job  easy and convenient to remember.

The pack also also comes with easy guidelines with steps to follow to do the task easily. There are added tips to avoid follies to ensure the good results even for the inexperienced ones.

 

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As i embarked on my journey, technology proved to be a great enabler with advanced washing machines available nowadays. I was able to do my share of the task very easily as I had technology and ariel matic at my disposal. The new Ariel ensures that the stains vanish easily and the clothes come out clean and fresh. In fact, i really enjoyed doing the laundry as the fragrance of Ariel is so refreshing.

It is so easy and effective to use, that even a novice like me was able to achieve remarkable results and laundry i washed turned out as good as new. Off course, on the alternate days which were marked for my wife in the odd even calendar, she did an equally good job. So it was truly a Miya-Biwi ka kamaal.

 

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By splitting the chores, we were able to reduce time spend on house work and thus were able to spend much more quality time together which in turn strengthened our relationship, making both of us happy.

I also noticed that my wife looked more relaxed whereas earlier, she was always in a hurry mode, stressed about the chores to be completed at home. Seems, she had too much to do on her hands. Now she was more calm as I was there  along with our mate Ariel Matic to lend her a helping hand and ease away some of her burdens.

After noticing the changes, this activity has brought in our relationship dynamics, i am looking forward to learning some more chores like cooking to help and assist my wife and ALSO, learning something new is always beneficial to our self development as an individual.

 

So, to encourage a balanced household, let us change the gender bias norms to bust the stereotypes, that laundry is only a women’s chore. All men should contribute equally in the basic household chores that make life comfortable. Let us help our wive, mom or sister around the house and bring balance to the gender inequality within the family dynamics and build a strong foundation for content family members and happy homes.

 

Sometimes, the stereotypes of the society have to be broken to live your life by your own choice to usher in positive changes. It is a big challenge, no doubt, but just stop worrying on who talks what, about you; who doesn’t accept you. If you really care for your near and dear ones, live life on your terms and live it well!!

 

‘I am taking part in the #LaundryGoesOddEven Challenge by Ariel India at BlogAdda.’

 

pics credit :brainyquote.com and taken by self

video credit: blogadda.com

Share The Load!

Sonia had just returned from school and was too tired to even take out her lunch from the refrigerator and heat it in the microwave, although she was feeling hungry. Actually she was not used to serving her own lunch as her mother would always keep it ready for her(all hot and inviting with its wonderful aroma) on the dining table as soon as she returned from school. But today, things were different as her mom was running high fever and thus was not in a condition to pamper her as usual.

After she had rested for a while she went to the kitchen and heated it and sat down to finish it hurriedly as she had to rush over to her tuition class as final exams were about to start within a couple of days.

She had barely gobbled down the last spoon of her sambhar-rice when she heard the horn of a school bus just down the street from her house. This must be her elder brother’s school bus, she said to herself. Soon enough her brother Rishab rushed into the house. He asked Sonia for some cool water to quench his thirst as the raging heat outside had taken its toll on him. Sonia  willingly obliged and offered him a glass of cool water.

Sonia went to the study room to finish the home work assigned by her tuition teacher. Just then, Rishab cruised in and asked her to get his lunch for him . Sonia advised him to help himself and do the needful. But Rishab argued back that kitchen work was the domain of females and almost all his friends thought so. He narrated the affairs from his friend Atul’s house where all kitchen work was always handle by his mom or his sister.

Although Sonia did not endorse or support Rishab’s views and behavior but as she did not want to disturb her mom’s restful slumber, she obliged and brought lunch for her brother.

She hurriedly headed to her tuition class and was busy there the whole evening. When she returned home after the class, she was happy to see her father who had just come back from office. Her mom had also woken up by now and she looked refreshed and felt much better now. All of them started sharing anecdotes about how their day went,what each one did either in school or office.

Next day was sport’s day in their school but her brother was worried and looked sad as his sports uniform was still not washed and ready. He asked Sonia to wash it for him. Sonia refused point blank and also narrated the afternoon incidence about lunch to her parents.

Their parents were surprised to know that Rishab harbored such wrong notions about household work. They asked him from where had he picked up such prejudiced believes because they never followed such  biased and obsolete stereotypes in their family home. they had always practiced complete gender equality in terms of house work sharing whether it was laundry, dusting or cooking. Sonia’s dad would often help her mom around the house. They loved to try out new tasty recipes  in the kitchen together and the kids would happily relish those.

On further enquiry, Rishab opened up about how most of his friends shied away from house work as they considered it to be the sole responsibility of the females in their house. Their dad slightly admonished him for following the wrong examples and explained to him that work is work and should be shared equally among all the members of the family irrespective of gender. Off course, they are free to pick up work according to their liking and talent. He advised him to learn from correct role models to lead a happy life in the future and chose believes properly with complete awareness. What he learns and follows in his growing up years will become ingrained in his psyche and define him in his adulthood.

Rishab looked really enlightened from all the nice wisdom bestowed upon him by his parents as he rushed towards the washing machine to wash his sports day uniform. Within half an hour he had his dress washed and in fact he really enjoyed trying out a new chore.

He promised to himself that from now onwards he will follow his parents’ example and advice to bring about a positive change among his group of friends and also society at large. This definitely is the correct path towards all round progress and development.

 

I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.

BE THE CHANGE !!

I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.

 

In today’s Indian society, women are conquering what were till now, the unchartered territories. Whether it is the field of engineering, medicine, finance, armed forces or aviation, women of our nation are making their mark in all fields. They are contributing positively to the society and nation as well with their intelligence and hard work.

When the matter concerns the home front, their contribution is equally praiseworthy and most often they share the maximum load of work in this arena. The division of house work is uneven and unbalanced.

 

loadariel

House hold chores like cooking, cleaning and washing clothes were traditionally considered as a women’s preserve and sole responsibility. Women have since ages, willingly or unwillingly followed this prejudiced belief.

This stereotype has been perpetuated since many generations and has therefore become deeply ingrained in the psyche of almost all members of our society. Menfolk generally don’t share the responsibility of house chores. Some  advertisements  and serials in the visual media play a negative role in promoting harmful stereotypes of women in the predominantly patriarchal society.

No doubt, two out of three children think that household work and washing clothes is a mother’s job. Children will naturally believe what they observe around them. Home is considered to be the first school for children. They learn their core believes and mannerisms here. When children observe such disparity amongst the two genders regarding household chores, where in mom does most of the house work and dad hardly ever contributes in it …they take it to be the correct and proper belief and tend to learn the same behavior.

The children are bound to carry such faulty and prejudiced believes into their adulthood. Thus the behavior of parents at home acts as a means of passing wrong opinions  to the younger generation.

According to the survey, 65% of married men in India agree that their children replicate their behavior at home. Hence it is high time to change the mindset prevailing in our society. Children are the future of our society and also the nation. Thus it is very important to impart right values to kids at home itself.

Children wrapped in their little worlds readily believe what is presented before their wonder filled eyes and inquisitive developing minds. Children can be the driving change in the society and play an important role in breaking such prejudices and stereotypes, helping to establish equal and balanced society.

Children should be encouraged to engage in thoughtful action and not follow the traditions or customs which are outdated and obsolete. This is possible if they notice such examples of equality of genders in their own homes since early childhood.

In some homes, the equations have already undergone vast shifts- the husband and wife help each other in running the family and share house work through combined effort. In other homes, the scenario is slowly but surely changing. Some modern couples no longer see the house chores as a women’s exclusive duty. Men are trying to pitch in. With the advent of highly advanced gadgets like automatic washing machines etc., it has become easy for men to do chores as laundry also, as there is no need of experiential expertise required.

We have to change the dynamics of our homes and the ways we function so that women enjoy total equality.Man and woman must try to share equal domestic responsibilities. Right example must be set for children to follow. The children will thus learn the correct lessons and will be sensitized early on about the equality of genders even in house holds.They should be educated about gender equality in schools as well. The mainstream media should also understand the huge impact it has on young minds and depict behaviors in a responsible manner. This will go a long way in bringing about total balance and harmony in our homes and therefore in our society as well.

 

pic credit : BlogAdda.com

Quote I Believe In

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All’s Well That Ends Well !

Quote Me

 

I believe once the trials and tribulations are over ,one should focus on the good end results that have been achieved out of the difficulties.

There is no sense in wasting time,feelings and emotions on what was not so good in the journey if the end results are positive.

LAUGH,LOVE,LIVE !

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Posted on January 30, 2016January 30, 2016 by AryanIronMan

 

It’s something of altruism that if one knows to laugh well,only then can he live well.

 

Role of laughter in love relationships is very vital. It cannot be over emphasized. Two people cannot coexist peacefully if they cannot laugh together and enjoy it.This can be taken as a measuring scale of how true and deep the relationship is.

 

If the love is real,a person will definitely try to make the partner happy,relaxed and calm.What better way than a dose of humor to cool down hassled nerves?

 

Lack of humor in any relationship can be a warning sign. It should be taken seriously and amends should be made by consciously adding a wholesome dose of laughter in your interactions with your love partner.

 

When you can laugh on small witty episodes,then this means you can also find joy in the little pleasures of life.You and your partner can cruise over the ups and downs of life successfully with a shared sense of humor.

 

Laughter also has physiological health benefits which is good enough reason to make your partner  laugh more if you genuinely love him/her.

 

Some of the benefits of laughter are:-

1) enhances immunity

2) reduces blood pressure

3) boon for respiratory and cardiovascular system

4) increases natural painkillers in the blood

5) helps in reducing stress and tension

 

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Thus learning to laugh is a very useful tool and life lesson.It enhances the overall well being of a person and also of those around him as it is contagious.It a spreads fast to bring cheer all around.

 

It has often been observed that people who are funny are ‘survivors’ in real life.They have learned to smile inspite of the hardships they faced. They use comedy to hide their emotional trauma and tears.They have decided to choose optimism over pessimism and to move forward in life with full   enthusiasm.

 

According to a research done by Stanford university using MRI scans,men are hardwired to produce humor while women are programmed to appreciate humor. This explains why laughter has such an important well fitted role in the dynamics of love relationships.

 

Laughter makes the bond of love stronger,closer and log lasting.It proves to be a breath of fresh air for relationship.

 

Lot of relationship problems can be solved and handled effectively in the light, friendly atmosphere when humor is used intelligently.

 

Partner who has a great sense of humor is a true blessing as he /she can provide much needed respite from any stressful situation which are so common place in today’s fast paced world.

 

A funny man is a real heart stealer,according to most women who were surveyed for a study.

Marilyn Monroe had also famously said”If you can make a woman laugh you can make her do anything”.

‘Anything’most definitely includes love at the top of the list.

If you can laugh together you can love and live together.

Keep laughing and loving !

 

This post is a part of #LoveAndLaughter activity atBlogAdda in association withCaratlane.”

Image courtesy: pixabay.com(free domain)

video courtesy: Blogadda.com

 

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